No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
