oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
