I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
