I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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