I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
