hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
We had sex on a dog bed..
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
