dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I yelled at your uterus for you.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
