ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Actions speak louder than pants.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
