the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
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