He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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