So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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