its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Holy sore nipples Batman
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
