White coat. Heels.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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