I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
