Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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