i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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