It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
