I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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