I just made out with a guy for $7.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
