I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
