I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
