this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Randomize
