you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
