hell yes lets make some ravioli
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
