since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You are the jesus of drinking
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
did i just pee glitter
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
