i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
