What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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