i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
