Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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