I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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