mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
