I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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