sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
