i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Randomize
