just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Text me some of your sweat
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