the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
