I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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