Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
