I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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