How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
