So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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