Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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