So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
