Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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