I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
should my penis look like a turkey
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
