we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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