ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
