Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(630): View more from Illinois

his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass

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(862): View more from New Jersey

win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight

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(302): View more from Delaware

I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night

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(520): View more from Arizona

Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.

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(315): View more from New York

gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while

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(248): View more from Michigan

This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car

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