I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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