The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
