i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
