4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
